In Cold Blood Dialectical Journal Essay

Entry 1, page 5But afterward the towns deal, theretofore sufficiently unfearful of each other to seldom trouble to lock their doors, put together fantasy re-creating them over and over againthose somber explosions that stimulated fires of mistrust in the glare of which bity old neighbors viewed each other strangely, and as strangers.I found this quote to be a sad truth. It is disap focusing to know that in this sm in alone told town wherein every superstar was on a friendly basis with one a nonher, they would all turn their backs on neighbors theyve known forever, due to the dangers of their own imagination. Once someone has my trust, I dont cogitate twice ab off share them or confiding in them. And in return, anyone who puts their trust in me should feel safe telling me their deepest, darkest secrets. However, when that trust is broken, so is the image of that person. Then I appreciation if they would lie about some function that meant a great deal to our friendship, who know s what other lies they essentialve spread? I begin to question who they are, and if they were ever my friend in the send-off place. Its as if I am seeing them in a whole new light. The worst part is, no matter how hard I may try, I just stooget bring myself to talk to that person as comfortably as I had originally.Now I find to think do they urinate an ulterior motive, or are they honestly nerve-racking to regain the lost closeness of our friendship? I am to a fault reminded of the power our imagination has. Giving our minds the ability roam free flush toilet plant unnecessary fear in our hearts, which, in turn, confines it harder to trust one another. exclusively because a friend made an honest mistake, doesnt mean theyre going to do it again. But, in my mind I see him/her telling everybody individual(prenominal) aspects of my life. It can be rather hard to regain our friendship with such(prenominal) a terrifying image in the back of my mind. I imagine that must be how the citizens of Holcomb, Kansas must have felt. They must have been questioning the integrity of each of their friends, wondering, who couldve killed a well-respected family?Entry 2, page 29-30Mrs. Kidwell sat down on the slam she expected to hold fair(a) in her arms, and eventually Bonnie let herself be held. Wilma, she tell, Ive been listening to you, Wilma. All of you. Laughing. Having a good clipping. Im missing out on everything. The best years, the childreneverything. A little while, and even Kenyon allow for be grown upa man. And how give he immortalize me? As a soft of ghost, Wilma.After reading this passage, I could not help simply feel so incredibly sorry for Bonnie Clutter. Bonnie did desire to be a part of her childrens lives, but due to her illness, she spent the majority of their lives in her bedroom or in a handling facility. I think capote included this scene with Bonnie in the novel because as a child, his parents neglected him. They often traveled for l engths of time, leaving Capote in the awe of his mothers relatives. Perhaps Capote related to the Clutter children (mostly Kenyon, seeing as how Bonnie spent the least enumerate of time with him) due to a feeling of abandonment caused by their absent mothers. I couldnt imagine the guilt poor Bonnie mustve felt for not playing an active role in the lives of her children. I know for a fact that my mother plays an important part in my life. She has taught me right from wrong, how to take care of myself, and that I should always treat people with respect. No matter what, I know my mother is always here for me, ready to take me in with sacrifice arms. Sadly, Capote never learned such things from either of his parents, which may explain wherefore he was so intent on gaining fame and recognition, so that he may finally be praised and have a feeling of accomplishment. The Clutter kids were luckier than Capote because they had a father, Herb, who in sereneed wonderful morals into his fou r children and taught them the things Bonnie could not.Entry 3, page 57But as in every manifestation, she continued to tinker with her deal, slanting it to the right or to the left, shaping it roundly or steeply, loosely or inexpensivelyas though she were asking, Is this Nancy? Or that? Or that? Which is me? (Once Mrs. Riggs, her English teacher, hadreturned a theme with a scribbled comment Good. But why written in three styles of bridge player? To which Nancy had replied Because Im not grown-up enough to be one person with one kind of signature.)Nancy, I believe, perfectly represents teenagers, past and present. Nancy shows that we dont have the slightest clue who we truly are. That is why our teenage years are so important. These are the years in which we begin to find ourselves, beginning with our signatures (heart or no heart?). There are so many people who expect us to know what we will do with our future when, in actuality, we are exclusively beginning to discover our des ires and dis wants, nowhere near deciding what we will be doing for the rest of our lives. So many of us teenagers (and some adults) are trying out different handwritings, or ideas of what we want to do with our lives, before we settle on the one type of calligraphy that we will carry with us forever. Throughout my life, my handwriting has changed drastically, as have my aspirations. As a child, I would write in big loopy letters, which perhaps represented the loopiness of who I wanted to be at the time (a princess). Over the years, as my letters became more refined and smaller, so did my aspirations. Its almost as if my handwriting shows how much reality had sunk in. I went from wanting to become a princess, to President, to a spy, to a marine biologist, to a wildlife photographer, to a business executive, and now to a doctor. Nancy is just using her handwriting as another step in finding who she is.Entry 4, page 109Deep down, Perry continued, way, way rock-bottom, I never thought I could do it. A thing like that.This quote expresses my fear of our humanity. We are not perfect beings. We line mistakes. We have limits. But how do you know how far you can go before you spread yourself too thin? That is why we must push ourselves to find our limits. Sometimes its good to push ourselves, like in athletics and academics. But, Perry pushed himself to the breaking point. Perry thought he knew his limits. He never intended to murder a family in cold blood he just needed money. If anything, he was trying to help them in any way he could,including making them as comfortable as he possibly could. But he got caught up in the moment, and he murdered the Clutter family point-blank. And whats even scarier is that so many people could have buckled under the same circumstances, just as Perry did. We would all like to believe we will always stand by our morals and always do the right thing, but when push comes to shove, will you? Our natural instinct is to prescribe Of cour se I will.However, imagine youre poor, you have no family (that would help you), and you are desperate for a way to change your life for the check. Now, would you commit a robbery? My job as a big sister is to protect my younger siblings, no matter what. Late one night, I was struggling to cultivation my homework, I was tired, and I had a major headache. As I was rushing to finish up and go to bed, my little brother, the baby of the family, would not leave me alone. I reached a point where I couldnt handle it anymore, and I tried to push him away from me, but instead he fell on the anchor and began to cry. I immediately felt terrible. I tried to help him up, but he ran away to our mother. I imagined he thought of me as some kind of a monster. My reasons for agitation in no way justified my actions. But the worst part was, I never thought I could ever pique my baby brother. It made me grisly to know that I did.Entry 5, page 191You live until you die, and it doesnt matter how you go deads dead. So why carry on like a sackful of sick cats just because Herb Clutter got his throat cut?Its important that we dont let anything stop us in life, including death. Yes, death does change things, but it isnt meant to be the end of the world. The world will continue to spin on, and people will continue their daily basis. While it is vital that we deal with a death through mourning, there is no point in worrying ourselves sick over the death of a loved one. If all we ever did was sit around and worry whenever someone died, we would never have the chance to actually live. Our dead soul loved ones would actually want us to live our lives to the fullest, so when our time ultimately comes, well know we made the most of our time here on Earth. We can die in the most heroic way possible, or in the most tragic way. Thatdoesnt mean our deaths should be held in a high regard than someone who had died a normal death. No ones death is more important than anothers. It doesnt matte r who we were when we were alive. Your accomplishments over others, the amount of money you had, how big your house was, the car you drove. You wont keep those material things once you die. They couldnt mean less because in the end, we all end up the same way dead.Entry 6, page 202Perry OParsons had died without having ever lived. What was there to look forward to?Perry OParsons was Perrys alter ego. He had planned to use the name as his stage name for when his music career kicked off. Unfortunately for Perry, he never got the chance to perform his music on a stage, so he never got the chance to reveal Perry OParsons. Maybe if Perrys music career had launched, then maybe he wouldnt have murdered the Clutter family. What upsets me the most about Perrys alter ego is when he asks, What was there to look forward to? When he realizes he will never be able to start his life all over as Perry OParsons, I feel as if he truly gives up on his dreams. Perhaps this is Capotes way of saying that we dont always get what we want, but that doesnt mean we should give up like Perry did. Not everything is easily attainable. For example, I have the hopes of becoming a doctor, but the work and training is very rigorous. But I cant just give up. raze if I find I dont have the work ethic to become a doctor, life still goes on. I cant throw a little fit because something didnt work out in my favor. No matter what, I will have to work hard to do well in whatever it is I choose. If I decide that I actually dont want to be a doctor, then it just means that Ive narrowed down my career choices by one. It may not sound like much, but that means I have more time to figure out what career does interest me and I am one step further from cease up like Perry.Entry 7, page 240Dick stood guard outside the bathroom door while I reconnoitered. I frisked the girls room, and I found a little purselike a dolls purse. Inside it was a silver dollar. I dropped it somehow, and it rolled acrossthe floor. turn under a chair. I had to get down on my knees. And just then it was like I was outside myself. Watching myself in some amiss(p) movie. It made me sick. I was just disgusted. Dick, and all his talk about a rich mans safe, and here I am crawling on my belly to steal a childs silver dollar. One dollar. And Im crawling on my belly to get it.I think this revelation of Perrys is a crucial part of the book. This is where Perry looks at who hes become, and hes not happy about it. Perry not yet knows hes trying to steal money from a family that has never done one single thing to bring that upon themselves, but now he sees just how desperate he is as he searches for a dollar coin that belongs to Herbs daughter. He realizes that he has turned into a lewd and pitiful man. I began to pity Perry, mostly because he had hopes and dreams, unlike Dick, yet there he was, scrounging for a measly dollar. I felt sorry for him because he really did reach rock-bottom (page 109). There he was, read y to rob the Clutters, possibly getting ready to kill them, and he was exclusively in this bunk because he chose to follow Dick in the pursuit of some money. Even though Perry is committing a senseless, violent act and I should despise him for doing these savage acts to such a kind family, I cant help but feel sorry for him. No matter what happens to me in life, I would never want to end up in Perrys position where Im questioning how I got to be at such a low point in my life. This quote actually reminds me of Capote as he turned to alcoholism and he began to alienate his friends because he couldnt give up the do drugs that is fame.Entry 8, page 255And I was rightthats just what he wanted to do admit that Hickock had been telling the truth, and that it was he, Perry Smith, who had shot and killed the whole family. He said hed lied about it because, in his words, I wanted to fix Dick for being such a coward. Dropping his guts all over the goddam floor. And the reason hed decided to set the record straight wasnt that he suddenly felt any kinder toward Hickock. check to him he was doing it out of consideration for Hickocks parentssaid he was sorry for Dicks mother. Said, Shes a real sweet person. It might be some comfort to her to know Dick never pulled the trigger. None of it would havehappened without him, in a way it was mostly his fault, but the fact remains Im the one who killed them.After reading this passage, I was in shock. I honestly believed that Dick was the true murderer of the Clutter family. Well, it turns out that Dick is a chicken who can unless talk up a big game, but he cant do much else. I am just even further confused by Perrys actions. It is hard to believe that he did in fact kill the Clutters. Perry doesnt seem like he could be such a cold-hearted killer. After all he did to try to get Dick to turn around and ditch their plan, when he halt Dick from attempting to rape Nancy, all he did to make the Clutters more comfortable, how nice he was to them. And he was the one who ended up killing them all. Not only that, he only decided to tell the truth about Dick killing no one because he was thinking of Dicks mother. Even though it was because of Dick that he was even in Kansas, he still tries to look out for his mother by taking the full credit for the murders. Its almost as if Perry is actually two different people. I dont know how I should feel toward Perry anymore. My immediate feelings toward him are pity, fear, and compassion. I can see why Capote was so interested in their case. Its because nothing is as you would have believed they were.Entry 9, page 339As is customary, the warden, having finished his recitation, asked the condemned man whether he had any last statement to make. Hickock nodded. I just want to say I hold no hard feelings. You people are direct me to a better world than this ever was then, as if to emphasize the point, he shook hands with the four men mainly responsible for his capture and convi ction, all of whom had requested permission to attend the executions K.B.I. Agents Roy Church, Clarence Duntz, Harold Nye, and Dewey himself. Nice to see you, Hickock said with his most charming smile it was as if he were greeting guests at his own funeral.I did not expect Dick to be so polite in his last moments. Throughout the book, majority of what he has said was crude, sarcastic, or humorous. Not only was Dick polite, he even thanked Church, Duntz, Nye, and Dewey for capturing him and, ultimately, sending him to his death. Its interestingthat Dick says he is going to a better world, but earlier in the book, he mentioned to one of the prison inmates, Andy, who was also on Death Row, to find them a shady spot in Hell. So he either believes Hell is better than Earth, or he thinks he is going to Heaven. Or maybe, he believes in the vast darkness of death, and he cant wait for the void of nothing. I also thought it was interesting that he smiled until the very end. I dont know if he smiles because hes come to terms with his debt, or if he just wants to unnerve the group attending his execution. I personally think that he is accepting his fate, and hes somewhat at recreation with it. However, him being Dick, he wants to go out with a fanfare, give the listening a show, so he makes sure he seems as effervescent as ever.Entry 10, page 340-341But Smith, though he was the true murderer, aroused another response, for Perry possessed a quality, the aura of an exiled animal, a creature move wounded, that the emissary could not disregard.I can understand why no one ever felt any sympathy for Dick as he was walking up to die because Dick was a rough and tough guy who never let anyone see his true emotions. However, with Perry, I believe that most of the audience has begun to feel sorry for him. Unlike Dick, he doesnt hide his feelings. He is afraid of what will come next, and that has evoked a response from Detective Dewey. But, how do we know his feelings are real? Earlier in the book when Detective Nye goes to San Francisco to visit Perrys only living sibling, Barbara, she mentions that Perry can easily fake his emotions to make people feel sorry for him. Maybe he was trying to get everyone there to pity him so much that they would stop his hanging and give him a life sentence. Well the crowd did pity him, but they wanted him to hang for his atrocities. Right before he was hung, Perry apologized for his actions, even though he could never make up for murdering the Clutters. I think the reason why Dewey refused to see Perry hanging is because he did feel sorry for him.